You may be in a sweets coma, after all–did you see these insane frozen bananas that Elizabeth at SugarHero made for you/us?    They put the Bluths’ bananas to shame, but we all know the Bluths are only in it for the money.  This is frozen bananas, with love (i.e. sprinkles).

So, to help you recover, we’re making soup.  In honor of Lindsay Bluth Funke, born Nellie Sitwell: charity event-thrower, cause taker-upper (HOOP, anyone?), shopper, unsuccessful business launcher, hands-off mother (to someone who just happens to be one of the coolest characters in television–so “Maeby” there’s something to the Funkes’ parenting style; I’m just saying).

(Yes, if I had children, it’s possible I would gather parenting insights from sitcoms.  Let’s all be grateful that I do not.)

(photo from http://fashionandhistrionics.blogspot.com/)

Lindsay is by no means domestic, but when she tries, you get a big spoonful of Hot Ham Water.  It’s a fine idea–and revolutionary, to boot–but I’m thinking Hot Ham and Vegetable Water would be even better.

Usually when you see a ham soup, it’s not only hearty, but heavy.  There’s usually potatoes, and probably cream.  It’s May, though–the world is a greener, fresher place.  Let’s act accordingly!

All I really did here is adapt a light vegetable soup, loaded with fresh, interesting, flavorful spring produce to begin with, by the addition of smoked pork goodness.  It goes from “light” to “hearty,” but stops before we get all the way to “heavy.”  It’s filling and comforting–perfect for rainy spring days (which are happening…  Somewhere, I am sure).

Shelling fresh fava beans take some effort, but their unique, quintessentially beanlike flavor gets to me every time.  It’s a two-step process: first the outer pod comes off, then we blanch and remove the tough, waxy outer layer of the actual bean.  Here’s a helpful tutorial, if you’d like.

However, if you can’t find them or would just rather save time, frozen lima beans or edamame would make a fine substitute.

…I don’t think I need to explain this part–it’s a mountain of shredded ham.  You best believe I sampled.

After the shelling of the beans and the shredding of the pork, everything comes together really quickly, I promise.  And besides, you have the afternoon free, right?  Or did “nothing” cancel?  (AD joke, of course.)

“So watery…  And yet there’s a smack of ham to it.”

Ham and Spring Vegetable Soup
(adapted from Epicurious) 

1 tablespoon olive oil
2 large leeks (white and pale green parts only), thinly sliced (about 3 cups)
2 lbs ham hocks or shanks
2 quarts water
1 carrot, peeled and diced
2 cups shelled fresh fava beans (from about 2 pounds unshelled)
5 ounces green beans, trimmed, cut into 1-inch pieces
8 ounces asparagus, tough ends trimmed, spears cut diagonally into 1-inch pieces
2/3 cup thinly sliced fresh basil

There are only two correct answers to that query, the first of which is:

The second of which is: there are only 8 days until the return of Arrested Development!  Also known as: The Unmaking of a Huge Mistake.

Am I a fan?  YES.  Am I excited?  YES.  What was my first thought when my girl Elizabeth aka the SugarHero brilliantly suggested we come up with some recipes to celebrate this legendary event?  HELL YES.

And that’s what we’re doing here!   A week full of Arrested Development-inspired food from both of us.  Fellow AD fans, this is no illusion: hop on the stair van, because we’re going to the model home.  All.  Week.  Long.  It’ll be more fun than Motherboy.

Everyone else, please pardon the interruption and endless gratuitous references to the show–I hope you still enjoy the recipes.  Also, WHAT are you doing with your life.  (Statement, not a question.)

I’m kicking things off with a nod (and a too-long wink) to Lucille.  The matriarch of the Bluth family enjoys her cocktails–and if it’s before noon, a sensible piece of toast will make it breakfast.

First up, gather your supplies!  Pro tip: if your gin is missing, check the housekeeper’s purse.

A Tom Collins is a classic, no-frills drink of gin, lemon juice, sugar and club soda.  It’s not quite as trendy as other old-school cocktails right now, but I’m almost positive that gin is due to have a moment (resurgence?) soon, just like bourbon is right now.

In any case, this particular twist on the old classic has the unique floral touch of elderflower liqueur.  Lucille is not gentle or sweet or…  Particularly floral, but she is our elder flower, after all.  Let’s all show the lady some respect and share a toast (INTENDED).

Oh look, a convenient clip of some of her best moments!

Any favorites?  I’m partial to “They don’t allow you to have bees in here.”

Elderflower Collins

2 ounces gin
1 ounce fresh lemon juice
1/2 oz elderflower liqueur (I used Thatcher’s Organic)
1 teaspoon (more or less to taste) simple syrup
Club soda
Lemon, for garnish

Combine gin, lemon juice, liqueur and simple syrup in a cocktail shaker filled with ice.  Shake well and strain into an ice-filled cocktail glass (I’m partial to something around an 8-ounce capacity, but it depends on how strong you like your drink).  Top with club soda and garnish.  Serve with toast, depending on time of day.

It usually works out well in the end though, doesn’t it?  Your friends have good taste in human companionship–duh.

And…  That’s kind of what this situation is.  Strawberry-banana?  Everywhere.  Strawberry-rhubarb?  Classic.  Banana-rhubarb?  Say what?

Yes, I know.  It’s a bit strange without strawberries in the mix, but there’s no reason it should be.  Sweet meets tart, all embedded in a cool, tangy frozen yogurt.  The flavor combination is interesting, but not exactly challenging.  It makes sense and most importantly, it tastes dandy.  I suggest making this.  I suggest taking it to your next friend date.

(Actually, scratch that, that’s weird.  Keep it all for yourself.  SOCIAL CRISIS AVERTED.)

So.  First, let’s take care of the rhubarb part.  Look, a pretty rhubarb gradient!

Of course, probably all the rhubarb you see/consume is cooked, and this is no exception.  Sidenote alert: when I was young(er), we used to eat rhubarb raw, dipped in sugar…   It was still mouth-puckering tart, and also delicious.  Next time, I’m picking up extra rhubarb and getting my childhood nostalgia on.

But for now, it’s cooked–simmered down to bubbly, fragrant bliss.

Let’s cool it, add some vodka (it’ll keep it from getting too icy in the freezer), and puree.

Now that we have rhubarb goop, it’s time to make banana goop.  That’s the recipe, friends: rhubarb goop + banana goop + yogurt.  Yeah…  Definitely detail-oriented.

The bananas get a spin in a food processor, too.  Around they go, with sugar, lemon juice and vodka (for the same reason as above, but also PARTY TIME reasons, I think).

The banana mixture goes into the yogurt, and then…

Into the ice cream maker and onto the great beyond.

I suppose everything could just be mixed in together at once, but swirls are just so much fun.  Downright festive.

Oh look, we made a delicious frozen treat.

Now…  I propose we go back to making friends like we did in first grade–by walking up to them and asking.  It’ll be so retro.  Also, naps!  What do you think?

Banana Frozen Yogurt with Rhubarb Swirl

For rhubarb swirl:
2 cups fresh or frozen chopped rhubarb
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon vodka

For yogurt mixture:
3 ripe bananas
 1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
3 tablespoons vodka
3 cups plain greek yogurt (I used Fage 2%)

 To make the rhubarb swirl, combine the rhubarb, sugar and lemon juice in a medium saucepan and cook 8-10 minutes over medium-high heat, until thick and bubbly and rhubarb has begun to break down.  Remove from heat and cool completely.  Puree in food processor or blender with the vodka.

Cut bananas into chunks and puree in a food processor or blender with the sugar, lemon juice and vodka.  Whisk this mixture into the yogurt until well combined.

Chill the yogurt mixture completely. (Honestly, I skipped this step and churned it in the ice cream maker right away, but if you’re chilling the rhubarb mixture, which you definitely need to, you might as well chill this too.)

Churn the yogurt mixture in your ice cream maker according to manufacturer’s instructions.  Scoop it into the container you plan to freeze the yogurt in, alternating with dollops of the rhubarb swirl.  Run a spatula or butter knife through the mixture a few times to create a swirl effect, then cover and freeze.

Makes a very generous quart.

(And the lines between TV talk and food talk blur once again…  Bear with me?  If you want?)

Critics say the U.S. version of the show overstayed its welcome, to which I respond: duh, and it’s all because of unsophisticated ding dongs like me, who kept watching no matter what.  Sorry, serious legitimate critics and Comic Book Guys (and Ladies) of the world.

What can I say?  I’m loyal.  And I, for one, am glad the show stuck around as long as it did, despite the peaks and valleys.  Here’s why:

1.  Its success practically spawned Parks and Recreation, which we can all agree is literally amazing, sharp television, no?
2.  It exposed the world to the girly genius of Mindy Kaling.
3.  The Office at its worst was still a thousand times better than Two and a Half Broke Whitneys or whatever.
4.  If it took that long to take Pam and Jim from nauseatingly perfect to real-life perfect, I’m okay with that.
5.  Finally, if we had to tolerate a weak season (or a few) to get an epic a capella showdown involving Stephen Colbert (can’t find a clip to link, so sad), I’m game. 

In short, I think this is a good time to give our insides a big old hug with springtime comfort food.  That’s not as weird as it sounds…  I don’t think.

Honestly, I just wanted to roast radishes and I’ve had a beautiful roasted chicken leg pinned since, oh, forever ago.  Sweet carrots and parsnips seemed fitting.  Caraway is something I grew up with–you may not have, as these things are different for everyone.  Feel free to skip it, or substitute it with whatever feels like home.  Thyme?  Rosemary?  Herbes de Provence?  (In the latter case, you = fancy.)

If you’ve never roasted radishes before, I’d suggest you try it.  I love their sharp, spicy, bright crunch when raw, but roasting coaxes out something delightfully different.  If there were such a thing as a default “roasted root vegetable” flavor, this would be it–mellow, kind of earthy, caramelized in all the right places, wholly satisfying.

The chicken itself is inspired by Thomas Keller via Food Swoon.  It’s too simple to be a recipe; it’s more of a method.  First, make sure the skin of the chicken is very dry.  Pat it with a paper towel at least one extra time.  Then, salt and salt generously.  Both of these things draw out moisture to ensure a golden, crispy skin, which obviously is the very best part of roast chicken.  Leg quarters will be juicier than breasts, which I’m sure you already knew.  Hiding a few garlic cloves beneath the skin is not necessary, but makes for a beautiful bonus.

Otherwise, nothing about this dinner is particularly revolutionary.  We are going for simple, familiar, warm.

…Does that remind you of someone?  I’ll miss you, Kevin Malone!

He was so wise sometimes.

Roasted Chicken and Vegetables with Caraway
(inspired by/adapted from Thomas Keller via Food Swoon)

 2 chicken leg quarters 
4-5 cloves garlic, peeled, optional

2 bunches radishes, cleaned and trimmed, larger ones halved
2 carrots, cleaned, peeled and cut into 2-inch chunks
2 parsnips, cleaned, peeled and cut into 2-inch chunks 
1 teaspoon caraway seeds

Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper
Olive oil

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

Dry chicken well with paper towels and season generously with kosher salt and pepper.  If using garlic cloves, tuck them under the skin.

Toss vegetables and caraway seeds with about a tablespoon of olive oil in a cast-iron skillet or glass baking dish.  Season with salt and pepper and arrange chicken among the vegetables.

Roast for 45-55 minutes, stirring vegetables halfway during roasting, until chicken is golden and crispy and vegetables are tender.  Serves 2 hungry people. (i.e., me now and me later, heyo!)

In fact, I can cover the salad ground briefly right now: it’s fresh, it’s seasonal, it’s healthy, it’s vegan, it’s crunchy and avocado-creamy, and it’s delicious.  It’s also completely self-explanatory, which allows me to talk about something else with you today.  Selfish, I know, but sometimes these things can speak for themselves…  Everyone knows that celery is especially eloquent.

Anyway, I was reading this lovely post by my friend Sara the other day, and it reminded me of something I thought of a while back and keep meaning to discuss.

If you read this blog, you probably know a few things about me.  You likely know about my shameful Teen Mom habits.  I can’t/won’t stop watching, and with Jo’s rap career as my witness, it’s not possible; I’m sorry.

There’s also my obsession with stinky cheese–especially in desserts and occasionally waffles.  Also, I bet you know I love music…  Just about as much as I love food and cooking.

If you don’t “actually” know me, though, and if your only avenue to that is my blog, without any real-life interaction, you may be surprised when I tell you I’m 100% introverted.  Shy, even…  And this isn’t reflected in my writing voice here.  At all.  Is that strange?

Of course, it’s not intentional.  Not one of my friends has ever said to me, “Wow, D, your blog does not sound like you.” Because it does (at least I think so)–to the people who know me best…  Which takes a while.  But with you, I skipped all that; there’s no “warming up” to anyone in this medium.  I write to/for/at you as if we’re already friends.  On the internet, you just flail yourself out there, odd bits and all, and hope it works out.

So that’s it, really.  I needed to get that off my chest, because it makes me feel a bit like an impostor.

Also, while I’m in confession mode, (deep breath) I took a bottle of Tobasco sauce from IHOP in high school as a joke/passive-aggressive “this service is the worst and this place sucks” message.  It remains the only thing I’ve ever stolen and if IHOP wants it back, IHOP can have it back, with interest.

Which brings me to point #2 of this post, inspired by another blog friend.  You know me, and I’d like to know more about you, because that sounds like mad fun.  So I’m stealing a great idea from “get to know you Fridays” by Emily at Sparkle Meets Pop.  Let’s get to know each other with a few fun, deep(ly entertaining, hopefully) questions.  And if there’s anything else you want to ask/tell me, please do!  Unless you are an attorney for an international pancake establishment, especially if that establishment is a house… in which case some things are classified.

So, tell me:

1. Drive-in movie or baseball game?  ’Tis the season!
2. Favorite time-waster website?
3. Tell me about the last music you bought.
4. Floats or milkshakes?
5. Favorite thing to bring to a potluck?
6. Have you read the sorority email that has become an internet sensation, so much so that it spawned this dramatic reading by Michael Shannon?  (If you haven’t, you don’t have to, and be warned of general craziness and gratuitous foul language…  Lots and lots of it.)  Is it just me or is that email actually quite well-written and hilarious (aside from the r-word business)?  Doesn’t it seem like something straight out of a Quentin Tarantino script?  

Aaaaand, go!

Celery and Radish Salad with Avocado and Toasted Cumin Vinaigrette
(dressing adapted from Bobby Flay)

For vinaigrette:
1 tablespoon cumin seeds
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
2 tablespoons rice wine vinegar
1 tablespoon honey
1/2 cup grapeseed or olive oil
Salt and freshly ground pepper

For salad:
1 bunch celery, washed and trimmed, sliced thinly 
2 bunches fresh radishes, washed and trimmed, sliced thinly
1/4 red onion, sliced thinly (there’s a theme here)
Small handful fresh cilantro
1 avocado, sliced
2 tablespoons pepitas or sunflower seeds 

To make the vinagrette, toast the cumin seeds over medium heat in a small saucepan until fragrant, shaking the pan frequently to avoid burning.  Whisk the cumin with the lime juice, vinegar and honey in a small bowl, then slowly whisk in the oil.  Season vinaigrette with salt and pepper to taste.

In a large bowl, toss together the sliced celery, radishes, onion and cilantro.  Add about half the vinaigrette, toss, taste and add more vinaigrette, as needed.  Transfer to serving platter or individual plates and top with avocado and pepitas.  Serves about 4 as a side.

I’ll just have to wait patiently for summer, for crates upon crates of ripe, juicy, flavorful tomatoes.  We will be reunited, and it will be glorious.

In the meantime, say we’re craving the classic combination of tomatoes+basil+mozzarella.  Say it’s spring, and we’re eager to start grilling again.  Say we’re really excited about gorgeous strawberries this time of year.  Say we’re open to making substitutions for tomatoes.  Lo and behold…  Look.

It’s red, and green, and white.  It’s slightly sweet, fresh, with a slight balsamic touch.  It’s not really a caprese salad, but it’s inspired by one, and it wants to be your dinner!  Right now.  Seriously.

Strawberries and balsamic are naturals together–it’s the putting them on your burger part that might be weird, and I understand…  Let’s just do this one step at a time.

First, make soft, sweet, tangy balsamic berries…  Nothing to see here, right?  Just bubbly fruit.  Your kitchen will smell good.  Your porch, or other burger-grilling area, will smell good.  This is a good situation for all your surroundings.

Next, we grill.  This is the time of year we get to play with fire again–are you as excited as I am?

Cheese and basil and obviously raw poultry shouldn’t be here…  Safety first.  Well, photos first, safety next.

Everyone insists they have the “secret” to juicy turkey burgers…  Mix in this, mix in that, etc.  I say, WHATEVER.  You’re not making meatloaf–salt and pepper will do.  As far as keeping them juicy and delicious, really, in my humble opinion, all you have to do is watch them closely so they don’t overcook.  When they’re no longer pink, poke their sides with your finger and see if they’re squishy…  It’s okay to get invasive.  Oh, and get thigh meat if you can.

Bun, basil, turkey, cheese, strawberries.  Layer it on like it’s spring!  Which it is!

P.S. I’m still in crazy work mode, you guys.  ”Tub of cottage cheese for dinner and Airborne for breakfast because a sister just can’t slow down” crazy.  And, not to be creepy, but I think about you all the time…   More food and fun to come, sooner than later!  Thanks much for your patience–you are the most stellar ever.

Strawberry Caprese Turkey Burgers

2 cups hulled and quartered strawberries
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
3/4 lb ground turkey
Salt and pepper
2 slices fresh mozzarella 
Small handful big basil leaves
2 burger buns 

Cook 1 cup of the strawberries in a small saucepan over medium heat for 8 minutes or so, until the berries break down.  Add the rest of the strawberries and continue cooking another 5 minutes or so, then remove from heat and set aside.

Season turkey with salt and pepper and form into 2 patties. Heat grill to medium-high heat and grill until no longer pink, about 4-5 minutes per side.  Top with mozzarella during the last minute of cooking.  Top bun with basil, your burger, some strawberry mixture, and go to town!

Serves 2, obviously.