I must confess that I wasn’t an “early adopter” of Arrested Development fandom. When it debuted, I was still in high school, actually–can I use that as an excuse, since we all know that high schoolers are decades away from good taste? (Which is why I should probably worry that my taste in music and books is oddly similar to what it was 10 years ago. Whatever.)
The point I am clumsily rambling toward is this: even then, before I was a fan of the show, I knew of and recognized Tobias Funke as “the guy from Arrested Development.” Of all the incredible characters on the show, I would argue he’s the most iconic of all. The never-nude (that’s a real thing by the way, affecting more people than just two members of the German parliament), world’s first analrapist (that’s analyst+therapist), Blue Man Group understudy, aspiring actor with catlike reflexes, and “Frightened Inmate #2.” Also, most definitely gay, which is obvious to everyone but him:
I don’t know about you, but if this man made it into the Blue Man Group, he would definitely be my favorite.
These waffles are for him, and for you, and for me. Just like Tobias, they are a little… Off, in a good way. As in, I put cheese in them and I’m not sorry. So, BLUE ME, WORLD. (Line of inspirational posters coming soon.)
Somebody hold me… Because in nine days, it’s time to say goodbye to The Office. Forever. I don’t know if I’m ready yet.
(And the lines between TV talk and food talk blur once again… Bear with me? If you want?)
Critics say the U.S. version of the show overstayed its welcome, to which I respond: duh, and it’s all because of unsophisticated ding dongs like me, who kept watching no matter what. Sorry, serious legitimate critics and Comic Book Guys (and Ladies) of the world.
What can I say? I’m loyal. And I, for one, am glad the show stuck around as long as it did, despite the peaks and valleys. Here’s why:
1. Its success practically spawned Parks and Recreation, which we can all agree is literally amazing, sharp television, no?
2. It exposed the world to the girly genius of Mindy Kaling.
3. The Office at its worst was still a thousand times better than Two and a Half Broke Whitneys or whatever.
4. If it took that long to take Pam and Jim from nauseatingly perfect to real-life perfect, I’m okay with that. 5. Finally, if we had to tolerate a weak season (or a few) to get an epic a capella showdown involving Stephen Colbert (can’t find a clip to link, so sad), I’m game.
In short, I think this is a good time to give our insides a big old hug with springtime comfort food. That’s not as weird as it sounds… I don’t think.
Spring Forward… You have cost me one whole episode of Teen Mom 2. Thanks? I guess? I mean, I’d be mad if I were doing something valuable with my time. Like baking scones. If you’d taken these away, we might have to have capital-w Words. Maybe all-caps WORDS.
Ah, spring forward. The controversy! Morning people and night people: it takes all kinds. We can’t all do everything at once; that’d be madness. Like baking. Some of us get down with night baking, some of us wake up naturally with the sun, drink some green juice/chamomile tea/virgin blood (I don’t know how you people operate, forgive me) and bake up breakfast goods at an appropriate time.
Either way, we will have scones. Tender, slightly sweet, dotted with heavenly banana chunks and toasty hazelnuts.
You know what? Weekends were a fantastic idea. Just wonderful. A Sunday morning is one of the few opportunities I have to be as polite with myself as with everyone else–instead of mentally barking out orders to my sleepy brain to get out of bed and do X, Y and Z immediately, I can politely ask.
“Hey, self… You look awesome today–I like how your bangs are pointing to the left AND right… It’s visionary. Cutting Edge. Genius. Say, what do you feel like doing today?”
Well, this weekend, I wanted to (A) brush my hair and pin my bangs back into an acceptable situation–all hail dry shampoo!– and (B) make a cappuccino and a fat stack of pancakes. Citrusy ones, with poppy seeds.
Dante from Clerks… I am Dante from Clerks, you guys.
I shut down the convenience store to go play hockey on the roof for a little while… And by that I mean: the convenience store is this blog and playing hockey on the roof is (a) working too much, and (b) holidays/socializing with out-of-town visitors, etc.
It’s not a great excuse, but it’s the truth… And I think part of the takeaway message of Clerks was: don’t take yourself too seriously. The world will go on without you. It’s all good. Life happens, and if I have disappointed you with my momentary sabbatical, I’m definitely sorry, but I want you to know: it’s okay to go play hockey on the convenience store roof. If you want to, I think you should. I think we should do exactly that, together… The world will still be there tomorrow.
The other takeaway message of Clerks: be careful in dark bathrooms.