So, let’s talk about getting old and all. I was gonna make a whole list of things I’m too old to do (with the point being that I’m not too old for sloppy joes… Especially grown-up ones with spice, beer flavor, pretzel rolls and an awesome, flavorful slaw). Then I remembered reading A Thing On The Internet which has already done it for me. Specifically, it’s a list of 30 things women should stop doing when they turn 30. I’m cruising right along in the mid-20s, so I might as well check it out and see how I measure up.
1. Buying clothes from the junior section. I guess I have 4+ years to stop, but I’m not sure if I want to. Ask me again as I approach 40.
2. Forgetting her parents’ birthdays. That’s never been a problem. I remember things like a legit creep.
3. Making out with her BFFs at bars for attention. Never have I done this. Tacky!
4. Making out with her boyfriend at bars for attention. Ditto, but maybe this could go on my “things to start doing at 80” list.
5. Filling her bed with stuffed animals (really, even one is too many). I can barely keep my pillows in order. There are 4.
6. Carrying a torch for anyone she hasn’t seen in the last five years. I had to Google what that means, and, no.
7. Rebelling against her parents for the sake of rebelling against her parents. Uh… Working on it.
8. Declaring an entire gender “all jerks.” Loophole: our whole species is a bunch of jerks, except for Bob Ross.
9. Holding a grudge against anyone who wronged her in high school. I wasn’t visible enough in high school for anyone to “wrong” me.
10. Skipping regular gyno exams. Not even discussing this.
11. Going to bed without washing and moisturizing her face. Recently got the hang of this! I always wash, but moisturizing, I don’t quite appreciate fully yet.
12. Being “that person” who had a bit too much to drink at the office party. My office doesn’t have parties. Solved.
13. Crushing on Justin Bieber. Does this really need to be a thing on here? Jesus.
14. Thinking she’s got it all figured out. Haha, I wish.
15. Calling her father “daddy.” I never did that.
16. Engaging in sibling rivalry. No, I’d lose… Unless parallel parking were an event.
17. Trying to get by on her looks. Not unless we’re talking about my perma-scowlface.
18. Living paycheck to paycheck. Luckily, no, but haven’t you uppity people heard of a recession?
19. Expecting a man/knight in shining armor to swoop in and save her. Only if I ate too much and wanted someone to take off my shoes.
20. Aimlessly jumping from job to job. No, but not deliberately.
21. Using MySpace to pick up guys. Whoa, time warp.
22. Expecting a man to do all the wooing. I GOTS THE SHY. It’s not a gender thing.
23. Wishing she had someone else’s life. I don’t even know whose life I want.
24. Expecting everyone to drop everything because it’s her birthday … I don’t even like attention.
25. … or because her “boyfriend” of two weeks dumped her. Especially when I’m unhappy.
26. Measuring her self-worth by a number on the scale. I shouldn’t measure my self-worth by a number on a dumb list either.
27. Being cheap. This needs clarification. I don’t hesitate to spend money on certain things, but I still have a flip phone.
28. Quitting a job without having a new one lined up first (especially in this economy!). No, scary! (So you DO know about the recession… List-writers, I kind of hate you.)
29. Blaming her mother for all her issues. No, but my father…
30. Romanticizing her 20s. I guess we’ll see when they’re over.
So I guess that’s that. Let’s eat! Make these. Your inner 4-year-old will be totally in awe of you!
(recipe from Epicurious)
1/2 cup coarsely chopped fresh cilantro
1 carrot, shredded
3 tablespoons canola, grapeseed or olive oil
3 tablespoons fresh lime juice
Salt and pepper to taste
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey
1 large bell pepper, chopped finely
4 large garlic cloves, minced
3 tablespoons chili powder
1 1/4 cups of your favorite beer (I used a hoppy winter brew)
3/4 cup ketchup
1 4-ounce can diced green chilies
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1 cup finely chopped green onions
Shovel sloppy joe mixture onto your bun. Top with slaw and cheese and/or pickle slices, if using.